Life Imitates the Onion

Sometimes I come across a news article that is so bizarre, I think I’m reading The Onion – which is the greatest piece of satire and parody ever written! But no, I am soon jarred back to my battered senses by the sheer inanity that this is real! Today’s Wall Street Journal carried an article on how the Democrats are planning their August Convention in Denver to be the “greenest” ever! Yeah, whatever!!

Here’s how absurd this is. The volunteers need caps and fanny packs – but they have to be made from organic cotton, by unionized, U.S. workers. The only problem – such a product does not exist! They intend to use biodegradable balloons – and to prove they are biodegradable; organizers have buried balloons in a steaming compost heap. Plates and utensils must be biodegradable as well. Volunteers, decked out in green shirts, will watch to make sure that every scrap of trash is put in the “proper” trash bin. 70 Percent of all food must be locally grown to cut down on fuel usage hauling in food. Fried foods will not be permitted. And to make sure it’s all “green,” they have hired a “carbon advisor.” (If preaching doesn’t work out for me this will be my lucrative new career.) My first suggestion – don’t run the air conditioner. Sweat it out! We’ll soon see how “cool” Obama is. Maybe they’ll have afternoon naptime? This does sound like a giant day care after all!

And to think that these hysterical, foolish, immature, clowns will be spending millions of dollars between now and November begging me to let them run the country! My response will be to mercilessly parody and make fun of them until the election! Who’s with me?