Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I Am Sorry
"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.' Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.'"
I have been struggling to get into the "Christmas spirit" this year. So much has happened! I feel overwhelmed with sorrow most days. I was preparing myself for the most miserable Christmas of my life. And then - I read, as if for the first time, Luke 2. One word stood out to me - the word "peace." The coming of Christ is not about me and my feelings, nor is it about gifts and gaudy tinsel, nor is it about shopping. It is about peace.
Everyone who knows me, and many who read this blog know that I have been very angry and frustrated! I have done and said things to alienate so many people. This Christmas I feel a gaping hole in my heart and searing grief for all the people I love who will be far from me - both physically and emotionally. So, like never before, I am going to focus on the real meaning of Christmas - peace. If I have hurt you, lied to you, lashed out at you, abused your trust, or used you in any way to further my own selfishness and arrogance, please, I beg of you, forgive me. People don't change overnight, and sometimes it takes a lot for stubborn people like me to discern the leading of the Lord. God deals a little more harshly with us, but He never gives up. I believe that after I have walked through this fire I will have learned how to be honest and humble. I am willing to be made willing.